Parents' Korner

Parents' Korner is a little spot on this site for parents of locked children to come for information, share insights, etc.  So, aside from what I have below, if there is anything...I mean ANYthing, that you can contribute (stories, snappy comebacks, experiences, etc.), please let me know! 

January 15, 2007 - A Matter of Perspective...

As you will read below, I used to have a very "defensive" attitude towards family members and anyone else who expressed any form of disapproval of me having locked my kids' hair. But as time has gone by, my thoughts have changed on it somewhat.

I realize that at one point in my life I, too, did not care much for naptural hair let alone locked hair. I used to frown upon it and wish that the long, waist-length locs I'd see on women were straightened. It's ALL due to the unfortunate conditioning we've undergone over the years. I have learned to accept and realize that certain family members and others are only speaking from what they know...what has been ingrained in them. Being defensive doesn't really solve anything, but expressing nothing but pride, love and self-confidence in our natural glory is the best "comeback", IMO.

I'm not saying we should sit back and allow our moms or aunts or grandmothers to openly disrespect our children's hair in their presence and make them feel insecure...no, that is unacceptable. But what I'm saying that if we just understand where they are coming from and that it's mainly out of ignorance and self-hatred towards their own naps, we can probably better tolerate and find calmer ways to deal with them.

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Facing adversity from family/friends concerning having locked your childrens' hair?

Many of us who decide for one reason or another to lock our children's hair face negative comments and reactions from family members and/or close friends. Some of my own relatives have given negative reactions to my kids' locs.  They've asked my kids why they would want "those things" in their hair; said "UGH" to my son's locs when he first started out; made insinuations that my youngest daughter's hair was "too pretty" for locs; and pretty much told me that I was making a bad parental choice and subjecting my children to ridicule and a difficult life by choosing to loc their hair.  Well, although those things made me angry, I think they get the message now that nothing they say or do will move me from my decision.

I watch them make poor decisions...decisions that can indeed hurt their children yet they mock me for a hair decision!?!  I had to set some of them straight with the following "come backs":

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Them:  I think you should wait until they're old enough to make the decision to lock their hair.

Me:  Well, we as parents pick and choose what we will and will not decide on our child's behalf.  For example, some parents CHOOSE to pierce their children's ears; some parents CHOOSE to relax their daughter's hair or even texturize their son's hair; some parents CHOOSE to raise their children in a certain religious affiliation; some parents CHOOSE to raise their children to hate other races...need I say more? Besides, my two oldest children ASKED to have the locs...it's not like I said, "you're getting them and that's that.  

Them:  Kids can be cruel...why would you subject them to having other kids talk about them?

Me:  I am well aware of how cruel kids (and adults) can be.  But if it's not one thing, it's another.  If my son's hair was cut into the latest style and my daughter's hair was relaxed, long and styled up in the cutest of styles, somebody somewhere would STILL find something to say about them whether it's their clothes, the way they talk, the way they walk, their shoes, their face, how tall they are, how short they are, how skinny they are, how fat they are, how light they are, how dark they are...and the list goes on and ON.  

Them:  I think it's wrong to put locs in their hair at such a young age because they're kids and they may want to get rid of those later and if (no, they usually say WHEN) they want to get rid of them, they'll have to cut all their hair off and that's just not right.  (this is usually in reference to the girls)

Me:  First of all, who said anything about someone wanting to get rid of something?  Who's to say they will EVER want to get rid of them?  But in the event that they do, that probably won't happen until they're much older and even if not, there are ways around cutting them down to a bald or near bald hair cut (if that's even an issue)  The locs can be picked apart or they can be grown out and then cut off after the hair has gained a bit more length.  Not only that, but IF wearing short hair bothers them, there's always braid extensions.  Not only that, but even if the hair is cut, there are cute natural styles they can wear as the hair grows back.  

Besides, MOST girls once they reach teen years or young adult years, what's the first thing they do even if they WERE relaxed?  CUT THEIR HAIR!  Especially girls who've had long hair most of their lives, they want to cut it.  I've been there done that.  

But again, my girls know and will be reassured that pretty much of what they can do with loose hair, they can do with locked hair except comb it...they can wear it hanging down, in a ponytail, in an updo, in curly styles and while they're little girls, they can still wear little ponytails with headbands, bows, hairballs and barrettes so what's the big deal?

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Well, there's more I could add here and I will later.  But again, if you have something to contribute to the Parents' Korner, email me at info@kidznlocs.com.